My weakness...

If your thinking "blogging is sure a weakness" considering it's been, I dunno 6 months or more since I blogged. Yep I would say I've been pretty "weak" in blogging, but that's not what I am referring to :)

God has been opening my eyes to my weakness lately and as I was journaling/praying some this morning I realized this is a snapshot that I want to capture and keep for years ahead when I need encouragement. Here is a little tidbit from my journal this morning to clue you in on what life has been like lately. Maybe some of you Mom's can relate...

"Last night was a LONG restless sort of night. Miya was up crying several times for no real reason. I had a hard time sleeping and getting comfortable and just when I would fall asleep she was cry again. In the midst of the restlessness my mind started to race and I was filled with anxiety about baby Micah's arrival and the sleepless nights that await me. Then it hit me that these are opportunities for me to turn to you and trust You. Times where you are preparing me for what is to come. Not so I can fret over the days ahead, bu so I can press into you and sow seeds of faith in my heart now to prepare me for what is to come. This is, in many senses, Your kindness to me. I don't want to go into this next season naive to the challenges. Yes having a newborn will be exhausting at times, yes Miya has entered a very challenging stage requiring much time, patience, and training, yes balancing life with 2 kids will mean less time and energy for my wants and desires, yes sleepless nights and days are in my future--BUT God promises grace for all of these things, He promises to have gone before me and promises to know all my weakness. He promises his grace is sufficient and his strength is made perfect in weakness. So I don't have to look ahead in fear, but I can have eyes of faith for what God is doing and will do in the future!"

This is just a glimpse into where my heart was this morning, the word "weakness" sums up how I have felt the last few weeks. Physical weakness as I enter the last 2 months of my pregnancy and chase a busy toddler. Emotional weakness as I parent a toddler who many times has a mind of her own and a will that seems so insurmountable; at times I can feel like giving up is the easier bet. Sometimes it's laughable how God is using Miya to show me my weakness. She pinpoints just about every trigger I have to the point where my nerves feel shot by the end of the day. Don't get me wrong about how much I love our girl, and how thankful I am to be her mommy. None of that has changed. But we have entered what has become the most difficult stage so far, and there have been days where I cry out "ummm God I can't do this!" After a challenging few days where I feel like everything has been a battle with her and I have been so tempted to be angry towards her disobedience, even tempted to think that somehow working full time would be easier; God has opened my eyes to his purposes in all this. He is using Miya to show me how dependent I am on Him. He has perfectly tailored this girl to point me to grace and show me my complete helplessness. Of course Miya has no clue at this point the role she plays in this, she is just a sinful toddler who wants her way and will fight for it, but God is using her in big ways to humble me. All this to say it's nights like last night that I am so aware of what God is doing, and so aware of my need to cry out constantly. I can't go a day or hour without crying out because I am aware of my weakness on so many levels.

I have been reading one of my favorite parenting books by Elyse Fitzpatrick lately called "Give them Grace", I couldn't recommend more highly. Here are a few portions that have stuck out to me:

"It is a kindness when he strips us of self-reliance, because it is there, in our emptiness and brokenness, that we experience the privilege of his sustaining grace. It is only when we arrive at that dreaded place of weakness that we discover the surpassing power of Christ. It is only when we are finally freed from the oh-so-constricting straighjackets of self-righteousness that we are able to experience that true comfort and warmth of the robes of righteousness."

"The compliant child's life lies to us, assuring us that she is good because we're such good parents. Difficult children tell us the truth: God loves his enemies, and he can infuse us with a grace that will make us lay down their lives for them too. Their rebellion is a verification of the gospel: we produce sinful children because we are sinners. God's power is displayed through our failures when we tether ourselves to the gospel message of sin and forgiveness, no matter how how desperate the situation becomes."

So all in all I am feeling very humbled right now, but also very blessed. Blessed by the gift of motherhood and how God is using it to strip away life's comforts to allow me to grow in perseverance and grace. Stripping away the layers of "ease" that I can idolize so much and showing me a better way in laying down my life.

I can look ahead in excitement for how God will meet me as we welcome our boy in less than 2 months. I don't have to look ahead with fears of "how will I do it!?" But I can rest assured that on my own I can't do it, but thankfully Christ lived the perfect life for me so I can claim this promise:

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
(Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV)

Amen!

Zoo

We had the joy of having the Lewis family visiting this past week, and took advantage of the one beautiful day we had with temps into the 80's! Who knew how precious a little sunshine could be when we have had such a dreary spring so far. So we went to the zoo. My original thought was: this is perfect we will go around 10 (metro down) walk around, grab lunch, walk around some more looking at animals, take our time...and head home around 3ish to beat rush hour. Yes that meant skipping naptime, but come on we're talking about the zoo here! Well we all know things never go how we "imagine" them with a toddler.

So our day looked more like: leave the house closer to 11, get down to DC closer to 12, try to convince a hungry tired toddler that she'd rather look at animals in the distance than eat lunch (didn't win that one) then to cave after only being there for 20 or so minutes by standing in line for 30 minutes at the only open place to buy lunch (after snacks didn't suffice) walk around for about another 1/2 hour to 45 minutes...then to have our toddler convince us she was ready to go home around 1:30. Def. not as I expected, BUT if you ask Miya about her zoo experience she will say it was SO FUN! She thought it was awesome. I think toddlers are just that fickle :) And truly I am convinced 2 hours feels like 5 to a child. So in her eyes she was there all day!

Either way it was a fun memory and Miya did have lot's of highlights that she is still talking about today. Her favorite? The panda! The funniest thing was this was the furthest away animal she saw. You can see in the pic below the panda sitting in tree eating a branch. As miya describes: "panda pull down da bwanch and eat it!" she will say it over and over again laughing every time. It was definitely her highlight, and I now think panda's are her "favowite" animal.

Miya's fav spot to be perched: "papas showdas"

engrossed in her panda viewing.

sunny sunglasses day :)

she really was that enthralled by the panda!

These orangutangs were the cutest. The were so lovey dovey and just kinda snuggled together every once and a while posing for a picture

Hanging with Nana and Dedad

Miya loves her dedad!

mmm "pwum" miya is obsessed with them lately.

the "zebwas" another miya highlight

All in all Miya was satisfied with her trip, and mommy got some mango gelato (for a whopping 5 bucks for a small....gotta love those zoo prices :)) so I'd say it was a win.

We are having...

So I feel like most people know by now....but I'm sure some don't:

BOY!

We had our ultrasound 2 weeks ago and baby boy appears nice and healthy, praise God! And I am measuring right on time at just about 22 weeks for our due date of August 14th. I am feeling good now, the nausea finally passed around 17 weeks and my energy (though it isn't close to what I had in my 2nd trimester w/ Miya) has improved much form the 1st trimester. I blame the lesser energy on my busy toddler :) Miya is very excited about her baby "bwotha" and we have already decided on a name: Micah James Lewis.

We picked Micah for the meaning: "who resembles God", and James after James in the bible (Jesus' brother). The book of James has been extremely influential in my life since finding out we are expecting this baby, so we knew we wanted to have it in there.

We are getting more excited as we anticipate welcoming sweet Micah into our family.

Dear Miya...

Dearest Miya,

I have so poorly captured this past year, and I will never be able to catch up now, but I have to pause now to remember you just as you are right now, since I can't hit pause (though I wish I could often) I don't want to forget these fun memories!

In a few short weeks you will be 2, and I can barely stand how quickly you are growing. In about 22 weeks you will become a big sister, and I know you will be a wonderful big sister! You already show so much interest in "the baby" as you talk to and kiss my belly on a daily basis. You call "it" baby boy and we will find out soon if you are right! I can't help but think that you might get along better with a little brother than a sister, we will see!

You are talking up a storm, and you keep daddy and I in stitches when you open your mouth! A few of your latest phrases are:
"what dats?" you are so curious and want to know what everything is!
"what you doing mommy" another frequently asked question, you always want to know what I am up to :) Sometimes you will ask 20 times in a row
You have begun to ask me questions only to answer with the same thing you think I am going to say. Mommy has discovered that she needs to come up with some new responses to your questions: "mommy yet's go outside? nope we're done. Watch leapfrog? nope we're done. Play choo choo train? nope we're done."
"mommy tiss!" you sometimes mix up your "K" sounds with t's so when you mean to ask for a kiss you tend to say tiss instead.

You are doing well with going on the potty. You generally go poo poo on the potty every day, Mommy just needs to get more consistent about putting you on for pee pee too. But you are so good about telling me when you need to go!

You have been so snuggly with me lately, I think you might be able to sense a big change coming. But I don't mind one bit. One thing I have learned this past year is time flies way too fast, and I know it won't be long before you will no longer want snuggles and won't even fit in my lap because my belly will be too big. So I am soaking it all in. Daddy thinks I am crazy, but occasionally you will wake up crying late at night, normally we would let you fuss for a few minutes and you would go right back to sleep, but now I jump right up and run in to rock you for a few minutes. I just can't miss a moment with you, I know you won't be my littlest for long and I can't fathom missing any chances I have to spend those quiet moments with you.

Spring is coming and you love playing outside! Every chance you get you want to go out for walks, and the whole time you point out anything and everything. Birds! Airplanes! Trees! Flowers! People! I love your excitement over every little thing, it's absolutely contagious.

You looove to sing, many times we catch you sitting on the floor playing while you sing "amazing grace" or "holy God" or "twinkle twinkle" and our favorite "God bless america" you amaze us with your ability to remember the lyrics to songs and we love to hear your joyful heart as you sing.

You have also become quite mischievous these days. You have discovered how to remove your clothes and diaper during naps or bedtime, several times mommy has come in to find you completely naked, and thankfully we can solve it at nighttime by putting your pj's on backwards. Still trying to figure out a naptime solution. You also have discovered a new fun trick: climbing out of your crib! I never thought I would see the day, but boy was I surprised when I heard that first boom from your room during naptime. I came running up to find you, little "houdini" out of her crib and apparently unscathed. We have now figured out that we can turn you crib around so the shorter side is against the wall, and you haven't quite figured out how to climb out from the side....and I am hoping that you don't figure it out either :)

You are still a good eater, but starting to get more picky. You love fruit, and especially Boobooberries (blueberries) as you refer to them. You ask for them every single meal, and if I say they are all gone you want proof! In fact if I tell you anything is all gone you demand to "see all gone" meaning you want to see the empty container. Silly girl. You also still love beans and rice, but aren't a huge fan of meat. You will eat meant however if we give you something to "dip" it in. Typical toddler.

I have been praying for a tender heart for you lately, praying that God would give me wisdom in how to show you grace. I have seen God working in many ways. We have been trying to teach you to pray and it has many times melted my heart to hear you say "jesus pwease help" on your own initiative. Baby steps, but thankful to see God at work nonetheless.

I love you sweet girl, being your Mommy has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I can't wait to see what the year ahead holds, and all that God has in store.

Love,
Mommy

Let's talk food...

I'm thrilled to be able to talk (let alone think) about food again without getting sick. I have finally gotten into a groove again with dinners, but I have been wanting to do more baking than anything, which has kept my family very happy :)

I have a load of recipes to share that have been on our favorite list lately. Here goes:

Vegetarian: I am beginning to think we breed vegetarian babies. This pregnancy, what are the first things I want once I am feeling well enough to stomach normal food? Beans and lentils. Strange. And not only that, but after 4 vegetarian meals last week I watched miya scarfing down all variety of beans and lentils...and learned that this child LOVES beans. She will turn her nose at beef and chicken, but give her beans and she will devour them. And hey it's cheap and good for you, so we'll roll with it.

Coconut Rice & Beans

1 cup sweetened flaked coconut (I used unsweetened b/c I had it on hand)
1 cup chicken broth
3/4 cup coconut milk
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
3 tablespoons butter, divided
1 1/4 cups uncooked basmati rice (I used brown basmati)
1 small onion, chopped
1 (15-oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed (I used dried beans that I soaked and cooked)
1 can black eyed beans, drained and rinsed
1 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 red pepper, chopped (optional)
1 lime
2 green onions, thinly sliced
1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Toppings: lime wedges, diced mango, sour cream, cilantro, green onion. (the mango I had wasn't ripe, so I just sliced up some peeled naval orange over top, it was delish)

Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 350°. Bake coconut in a single layer on a baking sheet 8 to 10 minutes or until toasted. Cool.
2. Bring broth, coconut milk, salt & pepper, 2 Tbsp. butter, and 1 cup water to a boil in a 2-qt. saucepan. Stir in rice. Cover, reduce heat to low, and cook 15 to 20 minutes or until rice is tender and water is absorbed.

A few more:
Martha's Bean Burritos
Seriously the best bean burritos ever. They freeze amazingly, in fact we have a big batch in the freezer that we grab from for lunches and dinners, they reheat so well.

Black Bean Soup
LOVE this so much. It's super easy, and you can used dried beans too, but I usually end up using canned ones that I just rinse to get rid of extra sodium. Also I have found it's pertinent to use a fresh salsa for this (you know the kind you can find in the deli or at the refrigerated section at Trader Joes?) It turns out SO much better with fresh salsa. We serve it with sour cream and sometimes a dab of homemade guacamole on top. Actually having leftovers of this today for lunch. It's yummy with quesadillas to dip or tortilla chips.

Coconut red lentil soup
Got this one from my SIL and it was so yummy, and make great leftovers too.

Ok we do have some meat dishes we like too :)

Just made this Beef Pepperoncini last night with some of the grassfed cow that has been hanging out in the freezer, it was really good and really easy. We served it on some warmed focaccia rolls with a little mayo and some melted muenster cheese.

And for sweet goodies, that have been rocking my pregnant world lately:

Peanut Butter Banana Bread
Need I say more? I mean this was so good, the best banana bread I have ever had. VERY moist and the peanut butter flavor is soooo good. I used 3 ripe bananas and that seemed to be perfect. I didn't use the flax because I didn't have it on hand, and I didn't use the peanuts either for the same reason.

Coconut oil Choc. Chip Cookies
Ok so I changed the title (the blog calls them "Bye Bye Butter Cookies" and I love butter too much to ever say goodbye) but I didn't have any on hand so I thought I would give this a shot....and SERIOUSLY best cookies ever. I cooked them the least amount stated on the recipe and they stayed really really moist and chewy and fluffed up just like she described in the recipe. We loved them and devoured them in record timing. The only adaption I made was I used whole wheat pastry flour. They were truly the perfect cookie, I think I will go make some more right now......

And one that I would like to try soon:

Apple Coffee Cake in the crockpot
This just sounds good, and has so little sugar. I haven't tried any dessert baking in the crockpot but figure it's worth a try! I don't have the smaller slow cooker so I would probably try putting a bread pan in my larger slow cooker as she describes. Anybody tried this?

And that is what's on my mind lately :)

Many are the plans...

Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.
(Proverbs 19:21 ESV)

This passage has been one that has both been encouraging and humbling in the past few months. There is something humbling about knowing we can plan and plan with the best of intentions, but ultimately God is sovereignly reigning over our lives and circumstances. I have had much proof of this lately.

First I have to refer you back to this post on waiting, specifically this portion:

I feel like we are currently in the "school" of waiting. Waiting for a new job for Lew, waiting to figure out where we are going to live...eventually :)...waiting to decide if we should buy or rent a home...waiting on more children...

I think we are always "waiting" for something. But certain seasons the waiting seems more daunting and wearisome. But in each season I am SO aware of how God's grace carries me through the waiting and how much I am learning in the process. It's so easy to be looking forward to the outcome...the thing we are waiting for. But really it's the process that bears the sweetest fruit.

To follow that let me give you a little time line from the last year to sum up the amazing ways we have seen God provide, in many ways God's provision came at a time that was a complete surprise to us, times when we weren't sure what He was doing, and when we "thought" we knew what direction we were heading in. Little did we know God was taking us in a completely different direction.

January 2010: After much prayer we move out of our apartment and in with my parents with the goal to pay off debt and possibly save for a home. Lew is also continuing to aggressively search for a new job at this time as his current one has no potential for professional growth.

Febuary 2010: God plants a seed in our hearts that I should possibly pursue going back to work in a hospital setting where the pay is better and where I can work nights to allow me to still be home with Miya during the days. This was a very VERY scary idea for me. It required a lot of faith and prayer for me to feel ready to move forward with this, mainly because I felt so out of the loop since having Miya and wasn't sure how I would juggle home life and work again. But after a chat with my sister in law Rachel who is also a nurse she encouraged me to "not fear or shrink back from hard things." In other words just because things are hard, doesn't mean we are not called to face them. That was all I needed to hear, she was right and I moved forward by applying to the PICU at Shady Grove Hospital. After getting called in to meet with the nurse recruiter I was told the PICU had no positions, but that I could still chat with the nurse manager that day in case something opened up. After meeting with the nurse manager she offered me a job on the spot. And not just any job but the exact position I wanted, which would allow me to work just one 12 hour night shift a week. Clearly God's provision....

March 2010: Miya turned one year, and I start working in the PICU. It was a big adjustment, but after this first month I began to see what a blessing it was. I loved the nurses I was working with and God was pouring out much grace for the transition. Living with my parents was a huge blessing during this transition because we had lots of help and extra hands!

April-July We spent this time just working and aggressively paying off debt. Miya was able to thoroughly enjoy by parents big backyard and I was able to plant my first vegetable/herb garden. We also were able to enjoy a great summer trip to Indiana as well as a beach trip to OC with my family.

End of July 2010: Lew and I start talking about a timetable for trying for another baby. We both knew we didn't want a huge gap between our kids, and because we had no clarity yet on whether we would buy or rent, we decided to not prevent pregnancy and see what God did....

August: Lew is still aggressively pursuing work at this point, still no major leads. BUT we were able to pay off Lew's car at this point which was resulted in much rejoicing!

September-October: By the end of October not yet pregnant and feeling ready to begin to pursue options for where to live, we decided to get back in touch with our realtor and broker to see what would be a good option for us at this point. We also decided to hold off on trying for kids until we had more clarity about whether we would buy or rent.

November: we meet with our realtor and broker and are approved for a loan! We begin our search with the caution that it may be difficult to find something we really like right away in our price range and in less than 2 weeks (I kid you not) found a home and had an offer down. We had our home inspection and Lew and I were discussing if this was the home we really wanted to buy. There was more cosmetic work to be done than we had realized, but otherwise the home was in great shape.... we decided to take a night to pray on it and talk more about it. That night we talk and really have faith for it. The next morning I awoke with a jolt and for some reason had this inkling of suspicion that I might be pregnant. Call it a woman's intuition :) Well a pregnancy test immediately confirmed that suspicion. I cried as I told Lew not because I was sad, but just shocked! But we had a BIG decision to make. Do we move forward with this home? Some of you may remember that I got pregnant with Miya when we were pursuing buying a home last time (almost 3 years ago) so there is something about home buying that brings babies for our family! Either way we decided we had faith to move forward and confirmed our offer on the home. 4 days later I began to miscarry. There was a lot of confusion in my heart as I battled with trying to understand what God was doing...but there was also peace. I just knew God was in control and had a lot of faith as we moved forward with buying our home.

December 2010:
We excitedly settle on our house December 7th. All went without a hitch and we were very excited to move in. I had begun to feel extremely exhausted but just chalked it up to packing and working etc... I mentioned to Lew how tired I was and jokingly mentioned the possibility of being pregnant again. He laughed and responded: " what are the chances of that!?" I decided to find out by taking a pregnancy test. And it appears the chances are good enough because the test came back positive...again! It was like deja vu. I couldn't believe it...neither of us could. And amazingly I had forgotten to cancel the doctors appointment that I had made the month earlier so I was able to go in early on to see how things were going...we got a good report and days later moved into our home. Around the same time Lew saw a job that he was very interested in on Dice.com, but being so busy caring for a sick pregnant wife and chasing a wild toddler AND helping unpack and settle just didn't have time to apply. We spent our first Christmas in our new home.

January 2011: My sickness hit an ultimate high this month. This pregnancy has definitely been more difficult than my last but I think moving, caring for a busy toddler, and growing a baby is quite the load to carry :) This month Lew gets an email from a recruiter saying they saw his resume on dice.com and thought he was a perfect fit for the job. As soon as Lew looked at the job description he realized it was the exact job and company he had seen and wanted to apply for in January! God had brought the job to him. Lew interviewed and had a job offer almost a week later, he accepted.

It's been amazing to see how God provided for us. Granted in praying for all these major things we didn't expect God to give them to us in a short 2 month span, but I just can't help but laugh when I think about how easy it is for me to think I have every thing under control, all my plans laid out...then it's like the control is gone, the plans shaken...and boy am I glad. God's plans have always been better than ours, and I'm thankful he doesn't let us have it our way, or I wouldn't have this wonderful blessing growing in my belly.

I am just over 14 weeks and just coming out from under this sickness. Keeping food down and more thankful for health and energy than I ever have been. My due date is August 14th and if this little one cooperates we may find out the gender March 6th. Well there is my book... I never have been good at keeping things brief :)

signed.sealed.delivered

(Miya showing off her "new housh" as she likes to say :)

We are officially homeowners! It feels pretty surreal, settlement went as smooth as can be (even after being totally sleep deprived after getting called into work at 2am...gotta love being on call the night before closing :))

I feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of work to be done this week with painting, packing, and moving...but as Lew says: one day at a time.

God has been so faithful! Can't wait to move in this week!

Themes.

I am such a "themes" person. The wheels have been turning as I have been trying to think of what theme Miya's new room should be, and how I want to incorporate her nursery theme which was an aviary theme with birds and owls. So... I decided we are going to do a Nature theme, so we can still have our birds and owls but I also want to have other forms of nature/creation in there as well.

I have many ideas on diy stuff I'd like to do...but that will have to wait until we finish packing and moving. But today I made this picture for Miya's room:















I just need to find a square frame for it, I can't wait to hang it! I am planning to gather most of my inspiration from this etsy shop All I used to make this was some cardstock and decorative paper I had on hand and it took about 20 minutes!

Sooo many cute ideas! And the cutest thing about this song is we have been singing it to her since she was born. Definitely a favorite...and now she loves "shunshine" and every morning insists I open up her blinds first thing and sing the "shunshine" song :)

Talk talk talk.

That is what Miya does these days. She talks and talks and talks some more. We call her a parrot because she literally repeats us on most things. Here is a few of my recent favorites:

Indy-nana: Her word for where Nana lives "Indiana". This one makes me smile :)

Appa-shauce: Apple sauce. The girl loves it

Yo-gabgabblagaba: yo gabba gabba, her favorite show. She thinks daddy is DJ lance. She really does.

Ha-ya-yu-ya: Hallelujah

HOTDOG: she says it crystal clear now. And she wants them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert.

Outside-bug: Why she says this every time we talk about outside I will never know. But whenever we talk about going outside she yells "outside bug" over and over

Fru-fruit: Grapefruit. One of her favorite fruits. But we have learned to limit her after we discovered what too many can do to her GI tract. Not fun.

Dant-do: thank you. Love when she says this.

No-dant-do: when she doesn't want something she says this.

Yes-peas: Yes please. Love to hear this one too!

Poopoo potty! Hear this one A LOT. Sometimes it's genuine...other times we just spend a 1/2 hour in the bathroom with no success.


But on that note....
Potty update: She is going in the potty regularly, we have good days in bad but she is definitely telling us when she needs to go, and there have been times she has held in when we are in the car etc.. It's definitely time consuming....but I have to say she is essentially training herself. She is definitely at the point where she hates going in her diaper, and she loves to get a treat. So it's a win-win. It will be interesting to see if this continues once we move, but we'll see!

She is definitely growing up! Hard to believe she is only about 4 months away from turning 2.

Forget not.

Yesterday we drove back from visiting Lew's family in Indiana and came home to an email that said our final approval came through on our loan for the house. I am absolutely blown away by how smooth this process has been. God has provided for EVERY. SINGLE. STEP of the way. Literally. And I am truly in awe. In awe of how God has provided grace over this past year of being without a "home" of our own. The blessing my parents have been to share their home with us and our busy/noisy toddler (grin) and the blessing family and friends have been to encourage us and pray for us. And here we are, exactly a week away from our settlement date, and I am just so thankful.

It was perfectly fitting that I read this in Deuteronomy 6 this morning:

“And when the LORD your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you—with great and good cities that you did not build, and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant—and when you eat and are full, then take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
(Deuteronomy 6:10-12 ESV)

That is my prayer. "Lord don't let me forget that all of this is from YOUR hand. This is YOUR provision, a house that you built, and you will fill. Please don't let me forget your faithfulness and provision." God has surly been good, even in the waiting.

.Unchanged.

This past 2 weeks has been crazy to say the least. Exactly 2 weeks ago Lew and I were in a very different situation. We are still living with my parents, and at the time had little faith to buy a home as Lew still hasn't found a new job, and we weren't sure if we should commit to buying something without knowing where he would be working. But two weeks ago I really begin to think and wonder....do we trust God for a home? Do we trust that God can provide a place for us, in a way that we couldn't have seen coming. Do we believe God is wiser than us?

At this point we are coming up on a year living with my parents. It has been year full of challenges as we aggressively pay off debt and mesh 6 adults and one toddler into one home. There have been many sweet times, but of course there are challenges too. Lew has been looking for a new job now on and off for 2 years. So, 2 weeks ago as I began to ask the above questions I also raised them to Lew. I think we can easily be more focused on what we don't have, and less aware of what God has already provided. It all the sudden hit us that we were missing the huge provision that God has already given us in Lew's current job. This has been a steady job and a secure job for our family, an answer to prayers almost 4 years ago. The company is doing well and this job has allowed a lot of flexibility for our family. It may not be exactly what Lew is looking for, but it's a job, and a gift. Not only that but God graciously provided a job for me, where I can work very little and still be a big means of support for our family, which has allowed me to keep my primary "job" in the home. Another huge means of provision from the Lord. Long story short 2 weeks ago God planted seeds of faith in our hearts, that we are to step forward, taking big leaps of faith, and trust Him for something big.

So we prayed, and we lept. That same day I contacted our broker and realtor again and asked them if we could meet to discuss possible options for us. We met with the realtor that week who informed us that we need to be ready for the "long haul" not exactly what we wanted to hear. He said basically with our budget we probably could only find a short sale or foreclosure and that could mean months and months of waiting, and potentially disappointment. Not only that but he said be prepared for a home that could also need a lot of work. Not exactly what we wanted to hear. But we prayed and still had faith to move forward. Fast forward a week later, our realtor calls and says "I found something I think you guys will really love, I think we need to look at it tonight!" We scramble and along with Miya go look at this home. It's not only move in ready, but in the neighborhood we wanted, and the model we were hoping for. That night Lew and I look at our budget again...pray...and leap again. The next night we sign an offer. The next day we are under contract. Yes, all that in 2 weeks.

It's unbelievable to see how God called us to leap in faith, and then literally at record speed he drops something into our laps that we didn't even imagine receiving, or know to ask for. Of course at any point God could take this away, we are awaiting an inspection and appraisal, but we are trusting God will work good regardless of the outcome. We are just praying that He will continue to give us clarity and direction as he has thus far. Our proposed settlement date is December 7th, and we probably won't move in ourselves until after Christmas.

My title is probably confusing now as you hear me describe all these big changes in our lives right now. The bottom line that we are seeing in all this is God's unchanging nature. In the midst of all these twists and turns in our story, God has remained steady. This portion from Morning and Evening pretty much sums it up for me:

“I am the Lord, I change not."

Malachi 3:6

It is well for us that, amidst all the variableness of life, there is One whom change cannot affect; One whose heart can never alter, and on whose brow mutability can make no furrows. All things else have changed—all things are changing. The sun itself grows dim with age; the world is waxing old; the folding up of the worn-out vesture has commenced; the heavens and earth must soon pass away; they shall perish, they shall wax old as doth a garment; but there is One who only hath immortality, of whose years there is no end, and in whose person there is no change. The delight which the mariner feels, when, after having been tossed about for many a day, he steps again upon the solid shore, is the satisfaction of a Christian when, amidst all the changes of this troublous life, he rests the foot of his faith upon this truth—“I am the Lord, I change not.”

The stability which the anchor gives the ship when it has at last obtained a hold-fast, is like that which the Christian’s hope affords him when it fixes itself upon this glorious truth. With God “is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” Whatever his attributes were of old, they are now; his power, his wisdom, his justice, his truth, are alike unchanged. He has ever been the refuge of his people, their stronghold in the day of trouble, and he is their sure Helper still. He is unchanged in his love. He has loved his people with “an everlasting love”; he loves them now as much as ever he did, and when all earthly things shall have melted in the last conflagration, his love will still wear the dew of its youth. Precious is the assurance that he changes not! The wheel of providence revolves, but its axle is eternal love.

“Death and change are busy ever, Man decays, and ages move; But his mercy waneth never; God is wisdom, God is love.”

Potty update 2

**Warning! For those not interested in a potty update, you may not want to read ahead. This post contains words like poo poo and poopy more than once. :) **

So, for those who are just dying to know how our "potty" venture is going ;) For the record we haven't officially started potty training yet, but because Miya seems to go number 2 at the same time every day I thought why not just put her on the potty and see what happens. I had tried that around 15 months and she definitely didn't seem ready.

We have the little seat you sit on the top of the regular toilet. I thought I'd give it another shot yesterday. Much to our surprise she actually went! She has also been telling me "poo poo" before she goes which definitely helps.

This morning I tried again after breakfast (which seems to be "the time") and after a minute or 2 she started to say "all done! down down!" but she hadn't gone yet. I kept trying to distract her with books and then finally I remembered yesterday she had only wanted her "peek-a-boo" book. So I quickly ran to get it, and as soon as I gave it to her she went. I told Lew it looks like we will have to keep this one near the potty as her reading material :) Amazing how much of a creature of habit she is.

Then when she was done I got her down and stood her up and soon after noticed a puddle at her feet, looks I need to keep her on for another minute or 2. But I told Lew I will gladly clean up pee pee off of the floor over changing a poopy diaper :)

Not sure if we will really begin to more aggressively potty train yet, but for now I am enjoying one less poopy diaper change a day. We'll see if she continues to seem interested.

Still can't get over how big she is getting. Kind of bitter sweet for sure.

.Wait.

I feel like we are currently in the "school" of waiting. Waiting for a new job for Lew, waiting to figure out where we are going to live...eventually :)...waiting to decide if we should buy or rent a home...waiting on more children...

I think we are always "waiting" for something. But certain seasons the waiting seems more daunting and wearisome. But in each season I am SO aware of how God's grace carries me through the waiting and how much I am learning in the process. It's so easy to be looking forward to the outcome...the thing we are waiting for. But really it's the process that bears the sweetest fruit. These 2 things encouraged me so much this morning as we continue to wait:

Wait on the Lord. -Psalm 27:14

It may seem an easy thing to wait, but it is one of the postures which a Christian soldier learns not without years of teaching. Marching and quick-marching are much easier to God's warriors than standing still. There are hours of perplexity when the most willing spirit, anxiously desirous to serve the Lord, knows not what part to take. Then what shall it do? Vex itself by despair? Fly back in cowardice, turn to the right hand in fear, or rush forward in presumption? No, but simply wait. Wait in prayer, however. Call upon God, and spread the case before Him; tell Him your difficulty, and plead His promise of aid. In dilemmas between one duty and another, it is sweet to be humble as a child, and wait with simplicity of soul upon the Lord. It is sure to be well with us when we feel and know our own folly, and are heartily willing to be guided by the will of God. But wait in faith. Express your unstaggering confidence in Him; for unfaithful, untrusting waiting, is but an insult to the Lord. Believe that if He keep you tarrying even till midnight, yet He will come at the right time; the vision shall come and shall not tarry. Wait in quiet patience, not rebelling because you are under the affliction, but blessing your God for it. Never murmur against the second cause, as the children of Israel did against Moses; never wish you could go back to the world again, but accept the case as it is, and put it as it stands, simply and with your whole heart, without any self-will, into the hand of your covenant God, saying, "Now, Lord, not my will, but Thine be done. I know not what to do; I am brought to extremities, but I will wait until Thou shalt cleave the floods, or drive back my foes. I will wait, if Thou keep me many a day, for my heart is fixed upon Thee alone, O God, and my spirit waiteth for Thee in the full conviction that Thou wilt yet be my joy and my salvation, my refuge and my strong tower."


And one more from a friends blog

“…waiting is living through those moments when you do not understand what God is doing and you have no power to change your circumstances for the better…So much of our daily comfort comes from the fact that we are able to make sense of our circumstances… Waiting is hard for us because we tie our hearts to other glories. We so often live for the glory of human acceptance, of personal achievement, of power and position, of possessions and places, and of comfort and pleasure. So when God’s glory requires that these things be withheld from us – things we look to for identity, meaning, and purpose – we find waiting a grueling, burdensome experience. Waiting means surrendering your glory. Waiting means submitting to His glory. Waiting means understanding that you were given life and breath for the glory of another. Waiting gives you opportunity to forsake the delusion of you own glory and rest in the God of awesome glory. Only when you do that will you find what you seek, and what you were meant to have: lasting identity, meaning and purpose, and peace in Christ…”

Big first...

Well folks...today is a momentous occasion! Yes it is the day of my birth, but not only that! Miya at 17 months did her first "number 2" on the potty. We cheered and celebrated and she just looked at us like we were crazy. Not sure she gets why we were so excited, but it's a start!

Our little girl is growing up :)

Ministry of Motherhood

My prayer as a Mommy...

"Choosing to be a servant-mother means willingly giving up myself, my expectations, and my time to the task of mothering; and choosing to believe that doing so is the best use of my time at the moment. It means that, by faith, I have already made a decision to make myself available in the routine tasks and myriad of interruptions of my daily life because I believe it is God's will for me to serve my family through them."

Sally Clarkson
The Ministry of Motherhood

Growing...

{some pictures from our recent beach trip}

Life is busy (what's new!) but Miya is growing and changing at such a rapid rate, I can't help but pause and make a few notes. I realize how quickly I forget to notice all the fun little things our girly is learning. She is almost 17months old and I can't help but ask the cliche question "where did the time go!?"

A few fun "miya-isms"

Shishy (still her fav snack)
Moooooowa (looooong O with a very high pitch squeak and a slightly British twang) = more
Hi Momma, hi! She likes to start with hi and end with hi (same for bye bye)
Awww bebe: I must say this and not realize it, but she says with little babies and dogs alike :)
I-lu-youuuuu: She points to her eyes, then her heart, then at the other person (usually the dogs!)
ah-dun= all done. She def tells us when she doesn't like something or when she has had enough
no no no noooooo: usually she says it to herself after she has done something naughty
hoisy (usually followed by a nay nay): horses seem to be one of her favorite animals currently
Roooooar: most animals if you ask what sound they make she will reply with a roar. Close enough I suppose :)
Shea=hair. She has a fascination for those teeny curls on her head
Owe-side=outside (your fav place to be)
Shoose=shoes (still your fav accessory)
Mwah!= her sound for kisses


Other fun things

You wave with the cutest little floppy wrist ever.

You love to say hi and bye bye to inanimate objects, and you do so with such enthusiasm (this includes saying bye bye to your crib when you wake up in the morning or from naps)

You love to hug and kiss all babies and all children for that matter. Have had a few awkward moments in public when you run up to kids you don't know and try to kiss them...on the lips!

You still amaze me with your sleep habits, sometimes 13 hours at night and then a 2-4 hour nap during the day. I am now convinced no sibling of yours will ever be able to spoil us as you have.

You love people and love being out and about where you can people watch. you love to wave to random strangers and get their attention, but when they try to approach you all the sudden you are overcome with shyness :)

You continue with your growling to sleep and when waking up. We know you are getting sleepy when you start growling, and know your waking up the same way.

You like to "hug" by bowing your head and nestling up to someone (or something) :) You usually also include a few "awww bebe" or "awwww papa" with your hugs. It melts my heart.

You have become very fascinated with "baybees" and tend to think any child your size or smaller is a baby...even though they almost always are older than you!
A family update
Things are going well. We are still living with my parents and overwhelmed with thankfulness to them for bearing with us and allowing us to really tackle debt and savings. We still aren't clear on what the best next step is (renting -vs- buying) but trusting God has a good plan. Lew continues to look for work and I am currently working nights at Shady Grove Hospital and loving it. God has continued to provide in amazing ways and we are truly blown away. More than anything I have learned to enjoy the simple things. Yes, I miss having my "own" home, and I miss all the joys that come with that, but I have learned that home is what you make it. It's more than a physical space to call "yours". It's been such a joy living with my parents, that's 4 generations under one roof! Miya loves getting to see her grand grandma, aunt "roo roo", Meema, and pop pop on a daily basis. And honestly I think it's going to be hard to transition once we move out because she is so used to being surrounded by family. But for now we are enjoying where God has us, seeking to enjoy His many gifts and not be anxious about where we will be 6months to a year from now. God has always been faithful!

words.

Miya is saying a lot of fun stuff right now. Just want to remember them...


Bop Pop = pop pop
Shhhhoe (extra emphasis on the shhhh)
Doe = dog
dock = duck
Oushie = ouchie
dack dack = quauck quack
didda = Auntie rissa
chichen = chicken
mowa = more
aaah-boo = peek-a-boo (the cutest part is she covers and uncovers her ears instead of her eyes :)
uh-oh
aahble = apple
nah-nah = night night
nammy = lamby (her favorite night time snuggle friend)
nus = nose
luh-you = pretty sure this one is love you :)
baw = ball

Walking?

I have been asked a lot lately if Miya is walking, and my answer has been "sorta". She never seems to just "jump right in" when it comes to new stuff. Especially new stuff that requires work. Even when it came to crawling she went from "scooching" to army crawling, and finally full crawling around 10 months. I think she likes to ease into transition. So, when it comes to walking, she seems to be following that same trend. Around 10 months she started happily cruising. Then 11 months happily cruising one handed. Then 11 1/2 months walking with her little fun walker. Then 12 months happily walking around holding mom or dad's hands. Now at 13 months she is happily walking still hanging on to Mom and Dad's one finger. Yes you read that right. She will walk and walk and walk, but the one catch is she insists on hanging on to just one finger :) It's her last crutch. If we try to pry our finger away she will just crumble. It's pretty hilarious because she has all the mechanics down, but she is erring on the side of caution for now. She did get brave enough to take a few steps on her own, which resulted in a nose dive, resulting in her first big boo-boo. So for now, caution is fine with me!

Here are a few videos of her in action. I call this first one "I don't wanna!" She doesn't like to be told what to do :)





Here is another short one without her crying at the same time:







a few more for fun (one is her dancing)

Let Me Hold You Longer

Lew got me this book for Mother's Day called "Let Me Hold You Longer' by Karen Kingsbury. What a gem. I can't read it without getting emotional.

Here are a few little excerpts:

"Long ago you came to me,
a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away
and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of
a lifetime of your lasts...

The last time I held a bottle
to your baby lips.
The last time I lifted you
and held you on my hip

The last time when you woke up crying,
needing to be walked,
When you last crawled up with your blanket,
wanting to be rocked.

The last time you ran to me ,
still small enough to hold....
Precious, simple moments and
bright flashes from your past--
Would I have held you longer if
I'd known they were your last?...

the last page says:
Let me hold on longer Lord to every precious last!


Trying to enjoy every moment with this little sweety.












Because she has gone SO fast from this to this

*ONE*

I'm not going to do what I always do...what is that you may ask? I am not going to start this blog post apologizing along with saying "what a bad blogger I have become!" and I am not going to make any vain promises to be faithful to blog more often. As I have proven time and time again....that may not happen :) Life is full, full to the brim.

I actually have missed blogging, it's just that usually when I sit down to start typing, my brain conks out, and there are just no words left to describe this life of ours...at least no interesting ones! In all honesty I am sorry I don't blog more often, I enjoy looking back on what life has looked like in the past, but for now my memories will have to do!

Either way, as you can tell from the title, our baby is ONE! Yesterday was the big day and I can't believe it's true. I remember a friend (actually several) saying "don't blink, one year will be here before you know it!" and that has become a reality. In a blink my baby went from newborn to little girl. The transformation is astounding. I look at her today and no longer see the wrinkly, tiny, squeaky baby girl we brought home a year ago. Today I see a little girl gaining independence. I see her long curls around her ears where there used to be soft wisps of hair. I see chubby little thighs (that started off as little twigs!) that carry her little body as she attempts to take steps. And I see a little girl who has become determined on mastering the skill of getting her own way (nothing new there).

What a delight it is to see her grow and discover the world. Truly, I believe, one of God's greatest gifts. With her life is very full, but full in the best possible way. I have had to remind myself (often) as I am chasing her while she is getting into things she shouldn't be, or when she is crying for "momma momma" because she doesn't want to take a nap that these are GIFTS; and I am keenly aware of how blessed I am to have the pleasure of chasing my curious girl around, and hearing her utter the sweetest words "momma". I have seen others Mom's walk through unimaginable grief and sorrow ... and have learned to never take for granted the everyday gift of holding your little one close and watching them grow.

So Miya is one! It's been an amazing journey. She keeps us busy these days, now getting into everything. She also is all about copying us these days, whether it's facial expressions, or phrases, she likes to try to repeat. It's so cute to see her mimic us, but it also makes us very aware of what we say and how we say it!

We are having a party on Saturday to celebrate her first year! I can't wait. And to make it even better Nana, Grandpop Lewis, and Auntie Cherai are coming! I will post pictures after the party.