Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Psalm 139

This morning I was meditating on Psalm 139...this has become something I do annually on my birthday (yes I came to this world 23 years ago today) and every year God refreshes my perspective on his perfect plans for me. This year as I read through verses 13-14 I was brought to tears as I recalled God's kindness. He knit me together in my mothers womb...He made me fearfully and wonderfully...wonderful are his works...my soul knows it very well! The amazing part is that despite what I am tempted to believe at times, as I read this passage this morning and the psalmist declared how wonderful are the Father's works....my soul truly did know it well! You see even though I was born with 2 birth defects: one side of my face born larger and one leg born shorter, I can still trust and believe that God carefully knitted me together in my Mothers womb...this was no accident (as science would say), but a perfect plan of my Heavenly Father. And even though through many surgeries my legs are now even and the prominence of the right side of my face reduced...I am still very aware of how God has used these "thorns in my flesh" (2 Cor. 12) to teach me of his all sufficient grace and all sustaining strength! So in light of this I wanted to share a letter between my future father-in-law and I. A few weeks ago he emailed me asking why I had chosen Psalm 139 as my email address. Following his question you will see my response. My honest and sincere heart in sharing this is that as you read the letter below all glory would go to God our Father, for it is truly only by his grace that I stand here today, His chosen child, with this story to tell....Lord please be glorified!

Psalm 139 is beautiful but I wonder what made you
select it as opposed to another -- say for example
Psalm 23 or 138?

Thanks for asking!
This verse is a huge part of my testimony. Growing up was not easy for me because I had limitations that could only be fixed by extensive surgery....30 surgeries to be exact. It was very hard as a child to face the physical suffering, but sometimes the emotional suffering was even harder. Ever since I was a little girl, when I would ask my Mom why God made me the way he did and when I would find myself broken hearted as a child being teased (because I was different) My mom would open her bible to Psalm 139....

When I see Psalm 139 I am reminded:

That God knows me deeply, more deeply then I know myself...and he knows all my thoughts and questions
I am also reminded that he is always near to me

But the portions of this chapter that really speak to me are vs 11-18
This reminds me that God knit me together in my mothers womb....he knows all the details of my body, and he says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Doctors would say that my "birth defects" occurred because of a mismatched chromosome (basically there is no genetic explanation for it).... a mistake in science...but God's word says there was NO mistake! His word says that He saw my unformed body, it was not hidden from Him. God wrote all of my days before even one of them began, he knew exactly how I would suffer and he knew exactly how he would comfort me as well.

So to make a long story short: for the first 16 years of my life I spent a majority of my time in the hospital, there was nothing easy about that for a child physically or emotionally. But the great news is that for many years God used this verse to give me hope that he had a plan for my limitations...and one day he would use them for His glory and my good. And you know what? He has!

Now I don't know all of the many reasons God had in mind when he created me the way He did, but it's amazing to see how kindly he has used all of the suffering growing up to enable me to: be a better nurse, be more compassionate, and to change my perspective on beauty. And Lord willing one day he will use my past suffering to help me to be a good wife...and loving mother.

And now, even neater (!) I always wondered growing up..."what kind of man will I marry?" ....and one of my favorite parts of the story yet....is that God has given me your son to marry....one of the most tender, compassionate, godly men I know! And God has given Jeffrey eyes to see beauty in me that only God can explain.

So I hope this wasn't too much info for ya!! I guess Psalm 139 just is a fresh reminder for me (much needed) of God's goodness in creating me just the way I am. And dont' worry if you have any questions please ask them ;) I like to talk about it often because it helps me to keep thanking God for all he has done and is still doing

Much Love,


Lew said...

Happy Birthday my love! I am so thankful God has brought you into my life! You are precious both in my sight and in God's!

Rachel said...

I love this Laura!! Happy birthday to you... we are looking forward to celebrating with you Sunday!

Michelle said...

hey laura,
i linked to your site via... rachel's blog and was SO encouraged by this post in many ways. i see how God's word hasn't return void... you see how He works ALL things for good... you see how he blesses us for the grace he gives us to obey Him. what an awesome God we serve. thanks for posting this.